Robert! (harlem_nocturne) wrote in ontdbb,

Better late than never.


I started so long ago, and with life picking up(which always seems to happen to me when I'm trying to do something like this) and other shit, I kind of fell off doing it on time. This is the first part of 6 days. I will have the rest VERY SOON. I hope you guys read anyway.

Celebrity Big Brother 2012 has BEGUN! 12 “celebrities” have entered the Big Brother house to compete for 3 weeks for the title of CBB champion.

First in…

Natalie Cassidy is famous for her role as Sonia in the long running soap opera, EastEnders. She is the first celebrity to enter the house.

So Big Brother decides to call Natalie to the DR and start the show off right. Natalie is set a secret mission. In the little gold box is an earpiece that Big Brother will speak to Natalie through. She must carry out all small tasks and actions, awkward icebreaker type deals to the new housemates, as directed by Big Brother AS SOON as they are told to her. The consequence for each task that she misses is that one housemate will not receive their suitcase, which means no change of clothes, makeup, nothing. Of course, with all secret missions, she cannot tell the other houseguests until the end.

As a little test before the next housemate enters, Natalie is told to do jumping jacks and say “I’m about to commit social suicide.”

Michael Madsen is the next person to enter the house. Madsen is famous for his role as Mr. Blonde in Reservoir Dogs, Bud in the Kill Bill series, and the dad in Free Willy.
Michael drunkenly enters, and Natalie is told to hug him and say that she is his biggest fan.
BB continues the troll antics, and instructs Natalie to say that she loved Madsen in Free Willy. Michael seems a bit…scared by it.

But BB is not done yet! Natalie is told to say “Hey Free Willy, gimme a high-five!” Michael is officially creeped out.

Next to enter is Andrew Stone. Stone is a famous dancer who was featured on a reality show called Pineapple Dance Studios, and sings in a band called Starman. He also took part in a task during the 2010 regular run of Big Brother. Andrew Stone is also a heterosexual. I made that same face.
Andrew immediately runs to Natalie and hugs her. Michael comments that it’s kind of an honor to be asked to do a show like this. Andrew says he agrees, because not many celebrities are ever asked to do this. (…yeahokay.)

In next are the twins Karissa and Kristina Shannon. Karissa is in the white, Kristina in the black. These girls are Playboy models, and I think these were the twins that Hugh Hefner dated for a bit. The girls both admit that they “dated” Hefner, only for the opportunity to be on television, and Karissa alleges to have sex tapes with her actor boyfriend Sam Jones III, and Heidi Montag. Fame thirsty whores FTMFW.
Natalie immediately recognizes them, and Michael seems pleased at the thought of living with them. The girls joke with Andrew that they’re actually cousins, but Andrew doesn’t fall for it. Michael is still in corner…kinda creeping.

Frankie Cocozza is next to enter. Frankie is famous for his involvement in the most recent season of X-Factor in the UK, having been expelled from the competition for rule-breaking. During this time, he gained a bad boy image in the press, allegedly having sex with 7 girls in one night, and subsequently tattooing their names on his butt.

Big Brother begins the troll antics again. Natalie is told to give Frankie a kiss on the lips. Natalie tells Frankie that she does find him attractive. Frankie kind of laughs it off and goes about his business.

Rugby player Gareth Thomas is next in. Gareth is not only famous for being a Welsh rugby player, but he also is the first openly gay rugby player in the UK. Or Wales. Something.

Next up is The Morally Corrupt Faye Resnick lookalike Nicola McLean. Nicola is famous for being a footballer’s wife and a Page 3 glamour model. I’ve always likened Page 3 girls to a classier Playboy type. I could be wrong, though. Nicola also recently completed a season of I’m a Celebrity….

Once Nicola settles, BB tells Natalie to tell Nicola that she’s completely fine with living in the house with her. Apparently, they had a spat on the internet awhile back that got a decent bit of press.

Nicola assures Natalie that things are alright, and that she just wants to have a good time while she’s there. But BB isn’t done yet! They instruct Natalie to tell Nicola the same thing AGAIN. Nicola reassures her that things are fine. After this, because Big Brother loves repetition, they tell Natalie to say it again, to which Nicola kind of shrugs it off.
Natalie says to the group that they should save some of the champagne for the rest of the people coming in, but Nicola says “Fuck them!”

Cutie with the eyes entering next is Kirk Norcross. (What a handsome name.) Kirk is a cast member on the award winning The Only Way Is Essex, the same show that Red Queen Amy Childs of last year’s CBB is from. In his entrance video, Kirk said that his dream girl would look like Kim Kardashian, and is open to finding love in the house.

This is the girl that Kim Kardashian prays every night to the baby Jesus to become when she wakes up, and her name is Georgia Salpa. Georgia is an Irish model of Greek descent. Kirk is very pleased at the sight of her.
During Georgia’s hellos, Frankie retreats to the bathroom, and Natalie is instructed by BB to kiss him on the lips again. She goes into the bathroom area alone, and whispers to Big Brother that she doesn’t feel comfortable doing it, because he’s so young. (18) She does it anyway.
BB now tells Natalie to say “Is it hot in here, or is it you?”, directed towards Frankie. In front of the whole group. Kind of awkward.

Next in is Natasha Giggs. Natasha is famous for being a WAG, however, while married to one footballer, she carried on an 8-year affair with another footballer, who just happened to be her brother-in-law. How she is still alive is beyond my comprehension.

Nicola also had a public feud of sorts with Natasha, for obvious reasons. She kind of puts her pride to the side, and gives her the most passive-aggressive bitch hug I have ever seen. I did live for it, though. Nicola apologizes for passing such harsh judgment on her, and Natasha tells her it’s no big deal. Michael kind of jokes that everyone secretly hates each other, and Natasha thought everyone would be totally wasted by now.

This beacon of sex and swagger is MC Romeo. Famous for being a rap group from the early 2000’s called “So Solid”. He also had reasonable success as a solo artist. A lot of the crew seems excited to see him, and Nicola and Natasha even sing his song while he introduces himself to the others.

Romeo admits to Michael that he’s a big fan of his, and it seems that Michael has found his partner-in-crime in the house. Michael tells Romeo “there are a lot of chickens in the house, and they’re just gaggling away”, and Romeo understands his point from there.

Natalie is now instructed by BB to talk to Karissa and Kristina in an American accent. The girls want Natalie to teach them English words and perfect their accents. Then BB instructed Natalie to tell the girls that she did some plus size modeling and a spread for Playboy UK. They believe it.

The last housemate to enter is Denise Welch. Denise is a panelist on Loose Women, which is basically the UK’s answer to The View. She gives me Joy Behar vibes. Not a bad thing.

Now that all the housemates are in, BB instructs Natalie to gather everyone around and hold hands on the couches. Natalie is then told to give a motivational speech and begin to cry, but she can barely get a word in between Andrew’s incessant screaming and Nicola talking over everyone. She eventually gets the speech out, but no tears. Big Brother reminds Natalie that she has to cry, so Natalie runs over to Denise and “cries” about missing her children.


Everyone is still in the living room, getting to know each other. Kirk and Frankie are having a conversation about Frankie’s reputation. Kirk says everyone makes mistakes, and no one’s perfect. Kirk then jokes about George Michael’s transgressions and how he still has a career. (watch it, buddy.)

Meanwhile, Andrew talks to Georgia about his dancing career and things he’s doing with his life. He admits that he’s 39, and calls himself an old man. Georgia jokingly asks Andrew to teach her dance moves sometime, and they both kind of laugh it off.
On the other couches, Romeo welcomes Michael to the UK, and asks him about how he was asked to do the show. Michael says they started talking to him in November, and at first, he didn’t think it was the best idea, but over Thanksgiving, Michael called Vinnie Jones, who did the show two years ago, and encouraged him to do it. Romeo says they’ll have a good time, and that it’s what you make of it. Michael admits that he’s a bit socially awkward, and Romeo says that Michael can confide in him and chat with him anytime he wants, if he needs to vent or something.


All of the women are in the smoking area, having a chat. Denise Welch asks Natasha who Romeo is, and why he is famous. Natalie and Natasha pantomime the song. Denise says she’s intrigued by it, but fears she’ll get too drunk and try to rap to Romeo. Natalie says she loves Romeo’s music and used to dance to it all the time. Denise admits that she loves situation in which random people are brought together that normally wouldn’t be. Nicola comments that they feel like rats being tested and watched, and Kristina says she said the same thing to herself earlier.

On the other side of the garden, Romeo and Andrew are having a chat about life and relationships. Romeo is surprised that Andrew is heterosexual, but Andrew doesn’t take open offense to it. Andrew says that he is metrosexual, and also a dancer, so that’s where the confusion comes in. Andrew does live with two gay dudes, however. Romeo tells Andrew that women fall in love with the personality, not always the person, so don’t worry about how others perceive you. Andrew compliments Romeo on his outlook in life, and commends him for it.


Natalie is still on her secret mission from Big Brother. Big Brother instructs Natalie to take him to the side, and flirt with him a little bit.
Natalie tells Frankie that she knows about his reputation as a ladies’ man, and that if none of the other girls are down to get down, that Natalie would take one for the team. Frankie nervously laughs and then asks if he can call her Sonia (her character from Eastenders) if they do become intimate. They laugh more.

Back in the living room, Natasha, Gareth, and the twins are all having a chat. Natasha asks Gareth general questions about where he’s from. Then the conversation turns a bit awkward, when Gareth discovers that the man he thought to be Natasha’s husband was actually her brother-in-law that she was carrying an affair with. Michael enters as they talk about not knowing why everyone is famous and what they do, and Michael jokes that no one even cares about why the other is famous.

Back in the garden, Natalie is told to say that she recognizes Georgia from somewhere, and then BB tells her to ask if she’s ever done a sex tape. (You know, because she looks like Kim Kardashian and all) Georgia kind of handles it like a champion. Natalie is then forced to say she’s released a sex tape of her own, and Denise and Kirk quiz her about it.


Andrew and Michael are having an interesting conversation about when to put a condom on during foreplay leading into the sex. Andrew’s kind of laughing his way through it as Michael just talks.

Frankie is called to the DR. Frankie said he feels a bit weird coming in tonight, and admits he was kind of starstruck by Michael Madsen. He thinks that the other housemates think he’s a bad person, but doesn’t mind if they’ve already formed their own opinions about him. He finds most of the girls attractive, but pays special attention to the twins…and Denise Welch. He says he likes an older lady. I think he’s joking. Think.


All the housemates have been gathered on the sofas for an announcement by Big Brother. Natalie has been instructed to take her earpiece off, to the audible shock of all the other housemates.

She apparently failed to carry out one instruction given by Big Brother, and is given 30 seconds to choose one housemate to not receive their suitcase for a week. Romeo quickly nominates himself, saying that he’s cool with it. Natalie chooses Romeo, and everyone (ESPECIALLY THE TWINS) are very happy and satisfied with the choice. Romeo won’t receive his suitcase until much later in the week, at a random time. Natalie then spends the rest of the time discussing all the things BB told her to do with the rest of the group. Denise cheekily asks Romeo what he’ll be sleeping in tonight, and Romeo embarrassedly hides his face as the others laugh.

Just in time, the bedroom has been opened with the other housemate’s suitcases and everyone gets to choose their beds. Natalie suggests that Romeo choose his bed first, due to him losing his suitcase, but that kind of fails. Nicola offers Romeo one of her nighties to wear since he won’t have a suitcase, and Michael gives Romeo a little silk zebra number to sleep in for the night.


Romeo is in the DR, talking to Big Brother about the fact that his suitcase has been taken away. He speculates it’ll only be a day or two before he gets it back, and he’s okay with that. Romeo also said his swag would be a “mess” if he didn’t have his suitcase for a week. He says he’s grateful for the dressing gowns that Michael and Nicola gave them, despite how ridiculous they look.

Back in the garden smoking area, Michael, Andrew and Gareth are getting to know each other. Not like that, pervs. Michael is a bit bothered that most of the girls that are in relationships keep talking about their significant others incessantly. Michael then reveals that he’s been married to his 3rd wife for 15 years now, and Andrew and Gareth congratulate him.

Gareth says he’s too cold and leaves, leaving Michael and Andrew to have a date night. Michael talks about all the “chickens” unpacking their stuff and putting it into the necessary drawers, and how he’s used to a girl doing that for him, because all he did was leave a huge pile on the floor. The twins come outside during Michael and Andrew’s chat to see if the pool was suitable for dipping, and they quickly learn that the month of January in most parts of the world is a bit colder than most and that there will be no bikini time. As the girls retreat back inside, Andrew and Michael laugh off their actions.

Georgia and Gareth are quizzing one of the K twins (I think it’s Kristina) about her and her sister’s time in the Playboy house. She says she lived there for a year and a half, but got bored very quickly with it. She also says that outside of the reality show they filmed there, (Girls Next Door) it was pretty bland.

Back in the kitchen, Nicola, Michael and Andrew are cooking sausages and having small chat. Michael points out that everyone is getting along wonderfully, but Nicola passively asks how long the honeymoon period will last. (ALERT) Michael believes that sooner or later, people will come up with gameplans/strategies to stand out somehow and Nicola thinks that some people will succumb to the pressure. I’d watch out for Nicola at this point.

Most of the housemates are getting ready for bed.

Natasha retreats to the DR to reflect on her place in the house. She feels that most of the housemates are genuine and nice, but have already pre-judged her for actions outside of the house, and won’t give her a fair chance because of that. She hopes that people will see her in a different light, and not the one that the media has put her into, because of the affair she carried on for 8 years with her brother-in-law. Natasha says that all she will do is continue to be herself and make the most of her time here. She also comments on the Twitter war that she and Nicola engaged in before this series, and that Nicola apologized for everything she said towards Natasha. Natasha says that she definitely understands why everything was said, and thought it nice that Nicola apologized.

Back in the garden, Nicola and Denise have a smoke and talk about their husbands and coming into the house. Denise’s husband wasn’t thrilled at first, but eventually warmed up to the idea once Denise convinced him that she would be okay. Denise does admit that she’s very open about herself, and doesn’t know if she’ll be that good at self-editing while in the house. (This can be very very very good, or very very bad.) Nicola, who has done I’m A Celebrity… before, says her husband encouraged her to go in the house, and advised her to be herself during the duration of series. Nicola then talks about her love for football, and how her 5-year-old son is an avid football player, and she considers herself to be a “soccer mum”.


Everyone is asleep. I love this on the first night, because the snorer is discovered! It’s Michael Madsen. No surprise there. Kirk, Romeo, Denise and Georgia are all on the couches for a bit, looking for the appropriate bin to place their cigarettes. Georgia and Denise eventually head for bed, leaving Kirk and Romeo all by themselves.

Romeo tells Kirk that he’s excited for his time there, and that they’ll have a laugh. Kirk quickly changes the tone of the conversation to Georgia. Kirk says that she is his perfect woman, and that he wants to really get to know her. Kirk admits that he loves Big Brother, and is really excited for the experience. He says that it is unreal being in the house, and even if he’s the first evictee, it would still be a good experience.


Housemates wake up to their very first morning in the Big Brother house. No need for an alarm, because Michael’s snoring is the loudest thing in the room. As he leaves the room, Gareth brings up the snoring, and Natasha says she could not sleep because of it.

In the living room, Michael discovers that the memory wall has been erected. He kind of laughs it off and goes to get ready for the day.


Kirk and Frankie have a morning smoke, where Frankie realizes who Natasha is and why she’s famous. Kirk confirms that it is exactly her, and comments that she’s really nice.

Kirk then brings up Georgia and how she looks in the morning, and it’s definitely worth the staredown. Kirk said he had to put his sunglasses on, so he wouldn’t get caught staring at her in the morning. The twins ask Romeo on the couch area to do them real good why Andrew is famous, and Romeo tells them about his dancing career and TV show.


Michael, Andrew, Georgia, Kirk and Natasha are all in the kitchen, when Michael asks why Natasha is famous. Michael speculates that she is a singer, and then an actress. Natasha denies both, but kind of dances around the reason for her fame/infamy. All the other celebs know why she’s famous, and Kirk tells her that “everyone has embarrassing moments”, in order to make her feel easy about it. Natasha says she was dreading this moment. She tells the story of her affair with her brother-in-law straight up, and kind of laughs her way through it. Natasha says that she has to be careful about what she says regarding the situation, (I’m sure this is all legal bullshit.) but her and her husband are still technically married, but separated. They have 2 children together. Natasha says her husband wasn’t visibly angry about it, but held both of them accountable for it.
Natasha says that she’s happy that she’s out of that situation now, and doesn’t feel lonely because she has her kids. Michael asks Natasha what she would do if her husband did that with her sister, and Natasha says while she thinks about that a lot, she doesn’t think her sister would do anything like that. Michael quickly replies “How do you know that?”


The girls are still getting ready for the day in the bathroom. Natalie, who looks like the house madam in comparison to the other girls here, helps Karissa wash something out of her hair while Georgia looks on.

In the bedroom, Nicola and Andrew have a conversation about…Andrew. (this is a reoccurring theme) Andrew says he still teaches at the studio in which his reality show was first filmed, but that he’s very discreet and professional about it. He said he had a class of people once who came to his class, due to the fact that he was on TV, and not to dance, and he did not like that. He talks about what kind of dance he was trained in, and his upbringing, saying that he went off to a performing arts school and had a breakdown at a young age. Denise enters the room, and the conversation shifts to biographies and whether they would write one or not. Andrew says he would, but he needs help physically writing it, as he is dyslexic. Denise comments on her biography that she had already written and released, and Nicola says that she read it and greatly enjoyed it.

Denise says she was very honest in her book about her bouts with depression, and that she still has some of the problems with depression and mental illness that she discussed in her book. Denise hopes that she can control her emotions while in the house, and admits that it was one of her hostilities about entering the show. Andrew says that he shares similar problems, but has learned to channel it in a responsible way.


Romeo has come to the DR in the emperor’s new clothes that he received from Michael last night. Romeo says his swag is a mess. Romeo says he was sliding around in the silk pajamas that Michael lent him to sleep in. He asks when Big Brother is going to give him his suitcase back, and even tries to bargain with BB.

In the living room, Frankie asks the twins what the Playboy Mansion is like. Denise speculates that there are naked sex parties at the Playboy Mansion, and the girls somewhat confirm it. They tell stories about girls who are naked and only wearing body paint, but most of the time, the paint is worn off of the genitals because of the heat. The twins also say that the mansion wasn’t as fun as it may have seemed, because they had such a regulated schedule that they had to keep up with, including photoshoots and filming The Girl Next Door. The girls say that they’re given an allowance, and have a nightly curfew of 9.30pm. Natasha asks if they’re just there to make the house look pretty, and the girls nod in agreement.



Andrew reads the instructions, and the celebrities have to see how connected they are to one another. The celebrities have to connect to one another based on the achievements and indiscretions of their past. If they get the connection right, and the lightbulb in the center lights up, Romeo will receive his suitcase back.

Denise is first up to reveal the first connection piece, which is “BEEN ARRESTED”. Karissa and Kristina, Romeo and Michael all admit to having been arrested, but the twins take that spot. The next connecting piece to that is “STARRED IN AN AWARD WINNING FILM”, which obviously Michael Madsen has, being the only legitimate actor in the house. Now connecting with the film portion, the next connection is “BEEN DIVORCED”, and Denise assumes her position, as she has been divorced, and in an award winning film.

So far, Romeo, Michael and Denise have all taken spots. Andrew now comes up(of course in a flamboyant fashion) to reveal the next card, which is “MODELED FOR A GAY MAGAZINE”. Gareth quickly stands and takes his position, as he was married to a woman before coming out as gay.

The next connecting piece is “SLEPT WITH A REALITY TV STAR”, and Kirk Norcross takes his position. He said he was on the front cover of “Attitude” magazine. Feel free to Google image that for a brother. “DID A TABLOID GLAMOUR SHOOT” is the next piece, and Georgia takes her position next to Kirk. Now the game becomes a little easier, because the next port is “SLEPT WITH A PRO SPORTSPERSON” and Natasha takes her stand there (underachiever), and “WAGED A WAR ON TWITTER” is the next, and Nicola takes her stand. Connecting that one is “PAID A VISIT TO A COSMETIC SURGEON”, to which Natalie admits that she has had a breast enlargement. Next up is “TAKEN CLASS A DRUGS”, and Denise leaves her post to take that, due to the fact that her cosmetic surgeries and drug use were highly publicized in the press. The last port is “X FACTOR REJECT”, and Frankie slips in-between the two, and Andrew Stone takes the sole “X-FACTOR REJECT” spot, to the surprise of others.

Now that all the housemates have been connected, Big Brother asks them to reveal the reasons for their connections before they find out whether the task was passed or not. Romeo admits to being arrested 6 years ago, but doesn’t explain why. Karissa admits to being arrested for aggravated battery, because a guy was trying to kiss Kristina, and Kristina obviously wasn’t seeing it for that, and used a beer bottle against the attacker. They were also in a Sofia Coppola film.

Michael Madsen honestly cannot remember what award winning film he was in, but speculates that it was Kill Bill. He has been married 3 times. Gareth says he is embarrassed to admit that he was married for 7 years; despite the fact that he knew he was gay. Kirk did the cover of a magazine, and it’s pretty obvious that he slept with cast members from TOWIE.

Georgia says that she met someone called Colin Bess on another reality show and got on with him, so she shagged him. (Okay. Easy enough.) And she models for a living, so there’s that. Natasha says she’s done some modeling before, and carried an affair with a footballer for a number of years. Nicola is married to a footballer, and had a well-publicized Twitter war with both Natasha and Natalie. Natalie says she also had a war with Nicola on Twitter, and had her breasts enlarged.

Denise admits to having eye surgery a few years ago, and her battle with her mental illness led her to use hard drugs. Frankie, of course, has used drugs, which led to his expulsion from X-Factor. Andrew then admits to auditioning for the 1st season of X-Factor, in front of Simon, Sharon Osbourne and Louis Walsh. He was rejected.


Everyone’s in the smoking area, talking about the pressures of Twitter and social networking in general. Denise and Andrew are off to the side, where Andrew confides in her about his feelings regarding his failed X-Factor career start. Apparently, Andrew ran into Louis Walsh after his rise to fame for his dance show, and wasn’t happy that he missed an opportunity. He also discusses how he’s seen as gay and “camp”, but describes himself as more “feminine”.


Gareth is in the living room with Denise, Georgia, Andrew and Natalie about coming out and the difficulty with that. He said he told his then wife first, then his parents, and then he revealed it to the media. He wanted to control his own destiny with that, and did not want to be dishonest. Andrew once again changes the conversation back to him, like he always does, and his struggle about being perceived as gay.

In the bedroom, Natasha and Nicola are speaking about Natasha’s affair. Natasha says that she’s tired of apologizing about it, and wants people to move on. She feels her family had a harder time dealing with it than she did, due to the press being at their home at all times. Natasha’s mum told her to not write a letter admitting her sins, but she did anyway, despite her husband finding out of the affair from the papers. Natasha says she’s now happy in her personal life and has moved on. Nicola says she is happy for her.


Georgia and the twins are changing into their bikinis in the bathroom. This is unseen by the cameras. Georgia asks one of the girls how much their boob job cost, and they admit to it being $10,000. Kirk is waiting outside of the bathroom area for them to emerge. Kind of creepy, tbh.

While Charlie’s Angels frolic in the hot tub, the rest of the housemates are in the smoking area, listening to the other women admire Karissa and Kristina’s bodies. Denise wishes “she had a bum like that”. Natalie insinuates that they may have had butt implants.


BB has called Kirk to the DR, while the other housemates watch in the living room chairs.

BB is going to give Kirk a geography test, and if he passes, he’ll win a party for the rest of the housemates later tonight. He has to place 4 out of 6 marks on a map of the world to pass. The first mark is Essex, where he resides, and he gets that correct. Kirk is very nervous about this task. Sad.

He’s also asked to mark where America is. AS IN THE ENTIRE COUNTRY. He says he has no idea where it is, and places a pin in Russia.

Kirk also thinks Jamaica is in Venezuela and that Australia is South Africa. This is just cringeworthy. He’s asked to stick a pin in South Africa, to which he sticks a pin in the northernmost part of Canada. Obviously, he has failed this task. And the UK educational system has failed him.


Back in the living room, Kirk wants to pull Georgia to the side and get to know her. He asks if her teeth are real. (what?) She admits to having work done on two of them. Kirk also inquires about more of her cosmetic enhancements, but she answers them without hesitation or hostility.

Andrew retreats into the DR. He says the whole experience of Big Brother is different, and he hasn’t a clue how he’s being perceived on the outside by the public. He hopes it’s positive, though. He says he knows he’s hard to understand, but he doesn’t try to explain himself to others, and just lives his life. Andrew does admit to overanalyzing things most of the time, and believes this could be an example of that.

Natalie and Denise are on the smoking couches, talking about Andrew. They both think he’s hilarious, but are genuinely confused about his sexuality. Natalie says he embodies EVERYTHING that a gay guy is, and just can’t see him as straight.


Michael joins Natalie and Denise on the couches to talk about this career. Michael says he liked all the old actors of the past, like Humphrey Bogart, Kirk Douglas and the like. Natalie grills Michael about celebrities he’s done movies with, and whether he maintained those friendships, and Michael says he has. Natalie tells Michael she’s a big fan of Jonny Depp, who Michael filmed Donnie Brasco with. Michael then tells a story about how he ran into Al Pacino’s assistant, and how Al flew Michael home on his own for a couple of days to see his kids while Michael was filming another movie. Everyone else eventually joins them on the couch, and Kirk admits he’s slightly starstruck.


Nicola and Natasha are still talking about the affair. Nicola asks how she and the BIL kept in contact throughout the ordeal, and Natasha admits that the BIL was the main instigator in all of the affair happenings.

Outside, Kirk is making moves on Georgia. He’s trying to coax her into jumping into the Jacuzzi with him. It’s kind of an awkward conversation. He asks her if her breasts are real or fake, and she says they’re real. He’s kind of laying it on thick. It’s cute, though.


Most everyone is sleeping, sans Kirk who is in the DR. He said he got a little drunk, and told Georgia that he liked her. He seems excited, though. Kirk wants to get to know her more. He said that in an environment like this, he would like to have some female companionship. He compares his love for Georgia to the character Jasmine from Aladdin. Kirk said that he wouldn’t have sex with her in the house, but once they leave, he would love to take her on holiday. He says Frankie is his boy, and now wants his girl. I’m not sure if I like Kirk.



Big Brother wakes the housemates up to Olivia Newton-John’s “Let’s Get Physical”. Natalie jumps out of bed and dances, while everyone else just watches from their beds. Not even Andrew wants to steal the shine and outdance Natalie. Big Brother tells the housemates that today’s task will begin in 30 minutes, to which everyone groans.
Natalie and Denise are in the kitchen, and Natalie tells Denise that she feels bad that the bathroom is becoming a mess. Denise says she doesn’t notice it, but Natalie thinks she may be being a bit too nitpicky. Natalie also says she doesn’t want to clean up after other adults.

On the couches, Kirk and Frankie are having a morning smoke, talking about how Kirk talked to Georgia last night. Kirk said he called himself boyfriend material, and thinks that Georgia fancies him back.


All the housemates have been gathered on the sofa to greet a special guest for their task today.

From the DR emerges Jodie Marsh, celebrity bodybuilder and former CBB contestant, to lead their task today. She and Kirk are good friends, apparently. Jodie tells them that they will be split into two teams, with Gareth and Romeo being the captains, having to pick their teammates.

Gareth chooses Kristina, Kirk, Denise, Natasha, Nicola and Michael for his blue team.

Romeo chooses Karissa, Andrew, Natalie, Frankie and Georgia for his red team.

The tasks today all center around bodybuilding. Jodie reveals to the housemates that they must change into gold, Rocky Horror like costumes and tan themselves with fake tanner.

Why is Romeo wearing—nevermind.


Everyone’s in the bedroom, waiting for the next part of the task. Andrew is stretching on the floor/practicing for a Sean Cody shoot, much to the amazement of the other housemates. Frankie can’t believe he can do this, and the twins just keep saying “OH MY GOD”. Andrew says it helps in the bedroom.

The first challenge is the “Breakfast of Champions”, in which one housemate from each team is chosen to crack open and drink 6 raw eggs in the fastest time. The team that wins this will gain a 5 second advantage in the endgame. Natalie is chosen because she’s hungry and hasn’t eaten yet. Gareth chooses Michael. The challenge begins, and while everyone is cheering them on, Nicola dry heaves in the corner. Natalie is declared the winner, because they finished around the same time, and Michael spilled a lot of eggs. Natalie then admits she hasn’t taken a shit in 3 days and that the eggs will break her up.


The two teams now have to participate in a posedown to impress Jodie, and whomever she chooses as the winner, will gain 5 seconds towards the endgame. First up are Gareth and Romeo, the team captains.

Jodie comments that Gareth has an awesome body, and I couldn’t agree more. Jodie said that she nearly cried looking at his body. The twins were next, and Jodie said they were really cute and had nice butts. Kirk and Andrew were next, and Kirk kept making cat like noises at Jodie, trying to make her laugh. Frankie and Michael were next to pose, and even surprised Jodie with how enthusiastic they were about it. Denise and Georgia posed next, and all Georgia did was push out her breasts. Nicola came out by herself. I don’t know why Natasha did not participate. The blue team won this part of the challenge. It’s tied 1-1.


Andrew is back in the DR. He admits that the reveal of him having a failed X-Factor audition upset him yesterday. He cries in the DR. He says he’s growing close with Michael, and that he likes his aura. He calls everyone nice, and says that nominations will be hard for him tomorrow.

On the smoking couches, Denise, Natalie, Gareth, Nicola, Natasha gossip about him on the couch. Denise says he said that celebrities get drunk differently than other people and Nicola says that he always plays to the cameras, calling all of his moments “TV gold”. Nicola then kind of impersonates him as they laugh raucously about it. They call him comedy gold.


The twins are appointed to do a red carpet task in which they must run up and down a red carpet, do a pose, a camera will take a picture, and they walk to the other side and do the same thing. This repeats on and on until someone fails to make it in time with the other.
Not really much to report here, but in a separate DR session, the girls say that despite their workout regimen, it was kind of a hard challenge for them. Kristina wins the challenge for the blue team. 2 – 1. The blue team has a 5 second advantage going into the endgame.


Georgia is in the DR. She complements Gareth, Romeo and Kirk’s bodies. She said she enjoyed the pose down challenge. She admits to checking some guys in the house out, but doesn’t give names. Back in the living room, most of the other blue team housemates are playing a game in which to guess their porn names. (first pet + street you grew up on)

The final challenge is here! Gareth and Romeo must both climb a 70-foot ladder and collect letters that spell “CELEBRITY”. First to the top wins. Gareth starts first, as his blue team has a 5-second advantage. Romeo catches up with Gareth, and wins it for the red team. Their prize is a gourmet feast prepared in the house by a celebrity chef.


Princesses Karissa and Kristina (ut-oh. I’ve given a royal title to someone! WATCH OUT!) are in the bedroom, talking about the boys’ sexual tension in the house. Karissa says that they keep sticking their hands down their pants, and calls it immature. (sidebar: I feel like Karissa is the more aggressive/outspoken of the two, and she’s kind of a bitch.) Kristina points out that Michael and Romeo don’t do it, so they’re basically pointing out Kirk and Frankie. (Gareth’s gay, and Andrew is fumbling for the doorknob.) Karissa then says it’s disrespectful to “women like us”.

Michael is in the DR, discussing his role in the house. He says he’s trying to be in the house without becoming overbearing. He thinks the honeymoon period for being nice has ended, and now no one knows how to conduct themselves without shooting themselves in the foot.
Back in the living room, Kirk is laying on the couch near Frankie, and invites the twins to come sit and chat with them as they walk in. Kirk says “I don’t bite.” Karissa comments that “she bites”. Kirk is trying to make cheap conversation, but Karissa says that Kirk talks too much and doesn’t let anyone finish. Everyone else in the room ooos and ahhs, and Kirk looks shocked. Kirk comments that the game has begun now.


The winning blue team is treated to their winning dinner, which is prepared by celebrity chef Aldo Zilli. Everyone takes their seat for dinner. Aldo is shown in the DR, describing what he made for dinner, but I could care less.

In the kitchen area, Nicola asks Michael if he feels out of place because he’s not a big personality/big talker. Michael says he does, to which Nicola responds that everyone wants to talk to him, but they don’t want to badger him. Later, Aldo Zilli says he kisses all the brides, and gives kisses on the cheek to Karissa, Georgia and…Andrew?


Michael and Andrew are in the garden, admitting that they can’t tell Karissa and Kristina. Michael says it doesn’t really matter, to which Andrew laughs a bit too much. Michael says that he wasn’t being rude, but that they’re famous for being twin blonds. Michael also seems a bit freaked out by how much Andrew is laughing at what he’s saying. I have to admit, it’s a bit of overkill, but that’s Andrew.

Karissa and Kristina are in the DR, pointing out that Kirk and Frankie have been scamming on them since they got there, but Kristina says she doesn’t blame them for hitting on them. Karissa says that Romeo hides it more, and is still confused about Andrew’s sexuality. BB asks what they think the boys like about them, and Karissa says the fact that they’re twins, and have posed for Playboy is the only reason they’re getting hit on, but they’re used to it. They think that Kirk is the leader of lads, and that Kirk plotted to try to get in with them, but he failed, and now his ego has been knocked down a bit. As bitchy as this sounds, I kind of agree with them. It should be noted that Karissa did most of the talking in this DR session, and clearly is the leader of these two. I kind of wish that they counted as separate housemates, only because I want to see Kristina interact separately from the others.

Back in the garden, Michael talks about his kids seeing this show when they become old enough, and his embarrassment with the task earlier today. Andrew says he noticed Michael’s body language during the task, and knew he hated it. Andrew did say he found that funny.


Most of the younger housemates are having a drinking competition. Romeo, Denise and Michael are out in the smoking area.

The twins, Georgia, Gareth, Kirk and Frankie are in the living room where Kirk is talking about Frankie embarrassing himself in front of the twins the other day when they ignored a question about the Playboy mansion. The twins said they’re sick of talking about it. Frankie thinks he’ll never be invited to the mansion, and the twins say they shouldn’t sell himself short, that he has time to make it there one day. Frankie passively hits on the girls, and one of them says that he looks like Justin Bieber. Frankie doesn’t take too well to that one and walks off to the DR while everyone else kind of laughs at him.


Frankie is still in the DR, complaining that he hasn’t ejaculated in a week, and it’s driving him crazy. He says he always thought Big Brother was a melting pot for girls for him to meet, and he feels let down. He says the twins are stunning, but intimidating to talk to.

Now the girls have taken control of the house, and start performing their song “Take A Shot” for all the other housemates. It’s terrible, BUT I FUCKING LOVE IT. I hope Romeo produces the song or something, and they just run with it. All the housemates are enjoying it, while Michael sleeps in the bedroom alone.


Nicola and Kirk are in the tub in the bathroom. They’re talking about things that certain people wouldn’t like about them. Kirk is kind of put off by the twins. Nicola then says that outside of her looks, Georgia doesn’t bring much to the table. Kirk says that he likes that Georgia kind of does her own thing, and doesn’t follow others. Kirk then shifts the conversation to what Karissa said to him earlier in the living room about him being rude. Nicola says that they have put no effort into getting to know her. Kirk says that he wishes that they were two separate housemates, because he likes one more than the other.

Tags: bbuk, celebrity big brother, hellovegas summary, pictures, tranny achievements
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